Regifting Rebellion
When I first started this post, I thought I would be providing tips and rules for conscientious regifting. However, the rules of regifting don’t sit right with me. They are geared toward making sure the gift and its giver never cross paths again. I don’t know about you, but even thinking about juggling multiple secretive regifts among family and friend groups makes me anxious. Therefore, I won’t be writing about your typical regifting rules.
When you boil it down, the regifting rules exist to protect the feelings of the original gift giver and the new gift recipient. I happen to believe that you can be sensitive to everyone involved without all of the sneaking and scheming. I wouldn’t encourage anyone to try this approach to regifting without first giving it a go myself.
So, that’s what this post has turned into, the story of my first attempt at total regifting transparency. It’s a story as old as time…a story about a woman and her ever-growing handbag collection.
The Back Story
The grandkids and spouses call my inlaws, Woja and Wojo. As the story goes, the names originated with Lance, the first grandchild. When Lance was a toddler, he tried to say, Lola and Lolo, the Filipino words for Grandmother and Grandfather, but the words that came out sounding like Woja and Wojos, so the names stuck.
Woja is a delightful and very generous mother-in-law, traits that are particularly evident around the Holidays. Every year the family gathers at her home for Christmas. It’s a full day of loud, funny, rowdy, happy family time, gift-giving and eating. We eat all day, and Woja walks the delicate line between forcing and encouraging everyone to eat more.
When the time comes for exchanging gifts, we usually have the families give out and open gifts in batches by family. Woja and Wojo always go last. They like to build suspense for the grand finale, which is funny because I always know what I’m going to get.
Every Christmas all of the women get a new designer handbag from Woja. I’m talking about Michael Koors, Coach, Kate Spade, Dooney & Burke, all of the fancy ones. I absolutely love it! It isn’t just Christmas either. Sometimes she takes you to an outlet mall and tells you to pick whatever you want for “your birthday” and won’t take no for an answer.
I’ve amassed quite a few purses over the years. My husband and I have been together for 12 years and married for almost 10. By conservative measures, Woja has given me roughly 24 designer handbags. I still have most of them, because variety is the spice of life, right?
Handbag Joy in Context
I was born and raised a bargain shopper. To this day, I love diving into the racks of a bargain store to hunt for hidden treasure. When I was in high school my Mom would take my sisters and me to the closest TJ Maxx about 45 minutes away from our small town. We made a game of it. Someone always “won” the shopping trip, because when bargain shopping, you never know if you will strike gold or come up completely empty.
A bargain shopper interprets “treat yourself” a little differently than your average shopper. We probably deny ourselves the full-priced items that ring true in the more formal understanding of the phrase. It’s okay though. For us, a big part of the joy and excitement of buying something new is in the hunt and the deal. So, when we receive a beautiful gift that didn’t come from the sale rack, it is particularly indulgent and special. That is how I see Woja’s purses.
A handbag from Woja is always special and I’ve become spoiled by her generosity. I am always grateful and excited to find out what the year’s style will be, but I have lost that feeling of opening a gift that is nicer and more indulgent than anything I own. But, I caught a glimpse of it in someone else when I recently regifted one of my Woja handbags. It turns out that giving those indulgent gifts can be just as exciting as getting them.
Regifting Test
A few months ago I regifted one of my Woja bags. I gave one to my Mom. It is a lovely bag and I really liked it, but I knew that my Mom would love it. So, I broke all of the regifting rules in an effort to achieve total regifting transparency. I told my Mom that the purse was one of my Woja handbags. She was thrilled and I was humbled. She has never bought herself such an indulgent handbag and no one has ever given her one. And, I never noticed. There isn’t a question about whether she could buy herself that bag. She could. She just wouldn’t. It’s hard to break a bargain shopper.
I also told Woja that I had given my Mom one of the handbags she had given me. I made sure she understood that I really appreciated the gift, but that I knew my Mom would love it. Woja was completely understanding and said that when she gives a gift it becomes mine to do with as I like and that she was happy that my Mom liked it so much.
Total Regifting Transparency Learnings
Through this experiment, I learned a few things. First, if you have a thing that someone gave you, and you want someone else in your life to have it, I say go for it. I think the motivation and intent trump the source of the gift. With that said, everyone is different and you know better than me if there are people in your life who would take great offense to TRT. Trust your instincts.
Second, if you are just looking to get rid of some of your stuff, you can sell it or give it away. Regifting to purge doesn’t seem worth the stress to me.
Finally, pay attention to the people in your life who don’t ascribe to the traditional “treat yourself” philosophy, and give them a really indulgent gift every once in a while.
Featured Image Photo by Sai De Silva on Unsplash